Saw a play

As a birthday present, Nana and her friend Mary Lou took me to see a play called Grey Gardens. It is the true-life story of an elderly, depressed, cat hoarding mother and her obviously mentally ill, middle aged daughter who lived in the Hamptons in a squalid, flea-infested mansion. It's a musical.

Even though I left this romp through rock bottom feeling strangely depressed, it was a good show and a fascinating story. The two women were Edith Bouvier Beale and her daughter "Little Edie" Beale. The mom was Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis' aunt and Little Edie was Jackie's cousin. The play is based on a documentary made about them in the 1970s. I really wanted to watch the documentary once I saw the play, so I checked out You Tube to see if anyone had posted anything. They did!

Here is Little Edie showing off her carefully planned outfit to the guy making the documentary. They showed this on a TV set in the lobby of the play. I just love her in all her stark raving madness.



Now here is a 9-minute video of Big Edie and Little Edie in their house. You get the whole picture of everything--their relationship, their house, the cats. Everything.




Not only is it amazing that they made this into a musical, but they used so much of the material from the documentary in the play. It was quite a feat. The woman who played Big Edie in the first act and Little Edie in the second act is a woman named Hollis Resnik. Mary Lou said she's seen her in other things and she's been great. And she was great, especially in the second act when she was the Little Edie. She completely captured her mannerisms and her voice.

Thanks for the show, Nana!

What a comedian

We were signing up Ellie on a website she likes to play with and I was telling her the letters to type in for her username. Her username is Alyssa (she likes that name). We huddled over the keyboard together and I dictated to her. I said, "A" and she typed in A. I said, "L" and she typed in L. I said, "Y" and she paused and said, "Why? Oh, because I want to put in my username." I looked at her and she was sitting there smiling at me. We busted up at the same moment and sat there looking at each other and laughing.

No more tooth!

Ellie lost her first tooth! I wasn't there to see it, though. She was at school and it was very, very wiggly in class, so the teacher sent her to the nurse's office. The nurse pulled it out. I guess it didn't hurt because when she told me about it later, it was clearly not a big deal.

The nurse put the tooth in a holder--a little plastic pendant in the shape of a tooth with a string so the kid can wear it as a necklace. Then Ellie called me and left me a message from the nurse's office to tell me what happened.

When we listened to the message, Greg scribbled a new note from the Tooth Fairy to give to Ellie when she got home. It said something about how she knew Ellie had lost her tooth and she would leave her a dollar. (I had already written in previous notes that she would get 50 cents for the tooth.)

When Ellie got off the bus from school, Greg and I were waiting for her and we gathered around to see her missing tooth. It was gone, alright! Unfortunately, somewhere between the bus and the door, the tooth fell out of the holder and we never found it. We told Ellie that the Tooth Fairy would know where it fell and go pick it up.

Greg pulled Ellie over to the table and put the note in front of her. "Look!" he said. "It's from the Tooth Fairy!" It was obviously in Greg's handwriting.

Ellie looked at the note for a bit and started to read it. Then she turned and eyed Greg.

"The Tooth Fairy's handwriting is small! That's big!" Greg and I started laughing.
"You wrote that!" Ellie announced. She pushed the note aside.

So late that night, Greg put a dollar bill under Ellie's pillow. Then he told me to write a note in the Tooth Fairy's tiny handwriting. So I wrote a short note saying thanks for the tooth and here's a dollar instead of the 50 cents we had previously agreed upon.

The next morning, Ellie woke up and checked under her pillow and found the dollar and the note. I read the note to her, and she fell back on the bed with her hand to her forehead when she heard that she was getting a dollar for her tooth. She just couldn't believe it.

It was a fun first tooth, but I'm done with the notes. All the rest of Ellie's teeth are getting anonymous donations. The Tooth Fairy has become way too much work.

Master Thespians

We were on the way to the mall yesterday and Ellie and I were in the back seat and Nana and Greg were in the front seat and Ellie had brought her purse with her. She showed everyone that in her purse she has a wallet and a real cell phone that doesn't work and keys that don't go to anything and a tiny notebook with a pen. So she decided to pull out her cell phone and "call" Auntie Anne. She asked for Auntie Anne's phone number and she carefully dialed it into her nonworking phone. When she hit the wrong number, she wasn't sure what to do, so I told her to push the red button to clear the number so she could start over. She had to type it in a few times, but she got it finally and waited for it to ring.

After a few seconds she said, "Hello?"
She paused and someone was clearly talking on the other end.
"Um, where are you?" Ellie asked. Then she whispered to us all, "She doesn't know where she is."
"How could she not know?" Nana asked.

I asked to talk to her, so Ellie handed me the phone and I said hello and listened to the silence that was Auntie Anne.

"Where are you?" I asked the phone. "Oh, okay." I told everyone that she was pulling into the parking lot. "Do you want to talk to Ellie again? Okay, here she is."

Ellie talked for a couple more seconds and then said goodbye and hung up the phone and wrote Auntie Anne's phone number into her notebook so she wouldn't have to ask for it anymore.

When we got to our meeting place in the mall, Anne and Heidi weren't there yet.

"Where are they?" Nana asked me.
"Not here yet, I guess," I answered.
"But didn't you just talk to them and they told you they were here?" Nana asked.
"That was just pretend. The phone didn't work," I told her. I thought it was obvious that we were pretending. We both laughed that she had been fooled.

A few minutes later, Greg joined us. "Where's Anne? I thought she told you she was here already," he said.

A HA! We fooled both of them!

We are great and powerful actresses.

I am, of course, reminded of the many hours Gen and I spent as children talking to imaginary people on telephones. How we would go into my dad's office in the basement and tape down the buttons under the receiver so we could pick up the handset without activating the phone and then have in-depth conversations with nobody. It was such a fun and engrossing game. And I can see that Ellie is already very good at this game. I am so proud of her.

My new purse

I bought a new purse today at Macy's and I found one that seems to work for all my needs. I need it to be big enough so that I can put something random of Ellie's into it, like a toy or a small stuffed animal. It also has to be big enough to fit a couple of small books. I don't want it to be so big that it's cavernous and my wallet and cell phone fall down to the bottom never to be found again. I want lots of compartments so that each of my most-retrieved items will live in its own section and I can grab what I need in a second.

I also need a long handle so I can throw it over my shoulder when I need both hands and I want it to be sturdy enough that it won't break for years and I want it to cost less $50. And I want it to be nice looking.

So today I went to Macy's and Nana had a coupon for $10 off an item and Macy's was having lots of sales anyway. The purse I found was originally $75, marked down to $45 and with my $10 off became $35. Awesome.

I bought it and immediately brought it to where we were sitting in the mall. Then I pulled everything out of my homemade tote bag that I've been using and carefully placed the items into my new purse.

I could feel myself becoming a new woman as my things moved from one bag to the other. I can just see the kind of woman I will become. I will become the kind of woman who will spot something in a store that would make the perfect gift for someone far away and who will immediately pull out a pen and appointment book to make a note of it for future reference. I will become the kind of woman who will then check that appointment book later and see that note.

I will no longer be the kind of woman who waits until she gets her coke and fries at the food court to write the note in a section of the appointment book that she never reads and then accidentally leaves the book on her tray and dumps it into the garbage can with her empty fry container.

I will become the kind of woman who keeps track of her faraway friends' birthdays and will have lovely wrapping paper stored away in her home to wrap those special gifts and plain but appropriately sized boxes to mail them off in.

I will no longer be the kind of woman who attempts to mail a package in an empty Jose Cuervo box only to be informed by the postal worker that you are not allowed to send things through the United States Post Office in a box that once contained alcoholic beverages.

True, I may not be that person now. But I can tell that soon, and with the help of this purse, I will be.

South

I walked outside yesterday to get something from the car and as soon as I walked out the door, I heard a faraway sound. First it sounded like a siren, then it became more musical, like an orchestra tuning up. It got louder and louder and I looked up at the sky and saw a flock of geese flying in formation over me. They were honking back and forth to each other and the sound was a cacophony. I tried to count them all as they passed over me and I think I estimated, after the final stragglers flew through, that there were a hundred geese.

A six-year-old tiff

Ellie has been having some issues with a boy in school. We'll call him "Manfred." Apparently, Ellie ripped something of his when they were on the bus together one day. Manfred was playing keepaway with a painting he had made and when Ellie grabbed at it, she got hold of it just as he was pulling it away and it ripped. She told me it was an accident and she apologized on the bus, but he was very angry anyway.

She told me she ripped something else of his at another time, but I forgot the circumstances of that and she said that was an accident, too. So clearly she needs to work on being too rough in general.

So Manfred has not forgiven her and he has been excluding her from things and making it generally clear that he doesn't like her. Last night as I was tucking her in, she said, "I have to find a way to get along with Manfred." It was so funny how pragmatic she was about it.

I told her that she should make sure he knows that she is sorry she ripped his things and beyond that she should just play with someone else and tell the teacher if he is being mean to her. Once I started giving her advice, she stopped wanting to talk about it. So I told her if she wants to talk about it again to let me know.

But I'm sure she will work it out kindergarten-style and she and Manfred will be back to being friends again soon.

In the car with Daddy

This post is from Greg:

Ellie and I were driving in the car yesterday, and we were talking about aunts and uncles. She wanted to know who my aunts and uncles were, and then we talked about who hers were. After we ran through the list, I mentioned that we also have some good friends who we call Uncles because we like them so much.

“You know, like Uncle Pete,” I said.

She thought for a minute and said, “If he had an ‘F’ at the front of his name, he’d be ‘Uncle Feet’.” And then she laughed hysterically.

Horses!

Okay, I'm sure you're all happy that I'm done being a shrill political gadfly. Here's a little story about our day at the stables:

Greg and I picked up Ellie at school the other day, and Greg came up with the nice idea to go to the stables at Harms and Golf to look at the horses. So we drove on over and walked around the stables and watched the girls riding in the outdoor arena. One woman going by us even stopped and let us pet her horse. Then we walked to another small arena where a man was letting two horses race freely around, chasing each other. That was very cool to see.

We walked through the stalls to the office area and inquired about lessons, but the woman said kids have to be seven to start lessons. But we take Ellie back for pony rides, which they have every Saturday.

So we asked if we could walk around and see the horses, and they said sure, so we strolled through the stalls and read the names of the horses and then we walked back outside to watch the riders again.

While we were watching, a girl who looked like she was about 13 came over to us with a horse and asked if we wanted to pet him. She said his name was Ben and he was a lesson horse and was about 30 years old. I didn't know that horses lived that long, but I guess they do. I wonder if Aunt Gen might have ridden Ben or known of him when she rode there, given as how old he is.

The girl asked if we wanted to meet some more horses and we did, so she brought us back into the stables and showed us more horses. We met Snowy and Lily and Marbles. There were quite a few horses coming and going, so I was getting a little nervous about one of us getting kicked or jostled around, but it seemed to work out. Our guide anchored one of the horses up and let Ellie brush it and pet it.

We headed back home after that. It was a great time! They've redone the stables a lot since I was a kid, but the inside horse arena looks the same, so that brought back some memories.

My Political Soapbox

I'm still so happy that Obama won, but I'm also deeply disappointed by the fact that Californians passed Proposition 8. A majority in California voted to change the state constitution to specifically exclude same sex couples from the right to marry. The right to marry is something the Supreme Court of the United States has already deemed a basic human right.

It's way past time to finally admit that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality and that gay people should be allowed to marry. We are at the point now where we're merely arguing over semantics. We're like selfish children sitting on our toys. "Fine. You can cobble together all the rights of marriage and create your own civil unions. You just can't call it marriage. That's ours. You can't have it."

It's time for this country to grow up and create laws based on reason instead of irrational fear. Prop 8 sets California backward. Way backward. That it passed is just wrong.

President Barack Obama!

We have a new President of the United States. Barack Obama!!!

Our election night story: We got Ellie in bed by around 7:30pm and Jerry came to the house at around 8pm, just as some very early numbers were coming in. We left Nana and Papa to their own election returns party and we headed out to a bar where Jerry thought he might know some people.

The spot was a little dive-y neighborhood bar on Irving Park. It wasn't too packed and it wasn't too loud and they had three big-screen TVs hanging high up by the ceiling and a buffet of homemade food along one wall. Most people were standing in front of the TVs, so we could still find seats at the bar. One very cool, very hardworking bartender handled the whole crowd all night--she was great.

The numbers hadn't changed much between home and the bar, so we hung out and drank beer and wondered what damage Bush can still do in his last couple of months. Then we recounted all the damage he has done up until now. Sounds depressing, but it didn't dampen our spirits because the whole time Obama's numbers were going up and up and up.

He sat at 207 electoral votes for awhile, so we got up from the bar and moved to stand in front of the TV showing CNN. It seems like we were only standing there for a short time, chatting about percentages and the various senate races, when the clock ticked over to 10pm. That's 8pm Pacific Standard Time. The moment the polls closed on the west coast (read: California), all those electoral votes came pouring in for Obama. He won. CNN projected it right away across the whole screen. Barack Obama will be our next president of the United States.

Everyone in the bar went crazy. Around 30 seconds later, McCain walked out to give his concession speech. The crowd in the bar hushed each other, and we all sat and listened to his speech. We cheered when he gave his props to Obama and we didn't jeer. Much.

When he was done, we all hooted and hollered it up again. One woman at the bar raised her hands high above her head and yelled, "It is morning in America!"

Another woman handed me a glass and asked, "Would you like some champagne?" I took it and she said, "We just wanted to share the wealth, you know, like socialists."

Sometime after that, Obama came out to give his victory speech. The crowd at Grant Park looked amazing, but I was so glad I wasn't there. What a crush of people. The much smaller crowd in the bar was so...happy. Some people were crying, and the champagne woman was bawling. Loudly. The rest of us clapped and cheered at the TV screen. I did a lot of happy dances.

Obama gave an amazing and inspirational speech, of course. I think everyone in that bar was ready to walk out the door and personally repair the entire American infrastructure.

When his speech was over, we all cheered and hugged. I texted pretty much everyone in my cell phonebook. I decided to get another drink, but I didn't want another beer. So Greg and I sat at the bar and asked the bartender if she could create a shot called The Barack Obama. She decided to combine a Coffee Liquor and Tequila and she did the shot with me. To Obama!

We left soon after that and headed back home. What a fun night. We were with a perfect size crowd in a fun setting and I really felt like we were all standing smack in the middle of history.

Special Election Week Coverage

I've embedded an RSS Feed to fivethirtyeight.com, a website that pulls in polls from everywhere it can find and reports on the probability of a variety of different election-night scenarios. Everything looks very good for Obama.

Greg loves this site because he's a big numbers guy and he understands all the pluses and minuses and possibilities and probabilities and aggregates and blah dee bloo blah blay. And I understand in my head that this is all valid and probably giving us the truth and I shouldn't be worried because it's looking great for Obama.

But.

I'm still not sure.

I still think there could be a very big upset.

Maybe it will be fraud. Maybe it will be the Bradley effect. Maybe the Right has driven fear so deeply into people's minds that they ultimately won't be able to do it. Maybe a big, green, Republican alien will drop in from outer space and zap every person at the polls with an insta-neocon phaser. I don't know.

So I'm watching the poll numbers like a broker on wall street and waiting for it to be over.

Ellie's first "snowy" morning

When Ellie woke me up one morning earlier this week, she practically jumped on me and squealed, "There's a little bit of snow on the ground!"

"Really?!" I said. I couldn't believe it.

"Let's get on our coats and go outside!" Ellie said. So before we had breakfast or got dressed for school or anything, we grabbed our coats, shoes, hats and gloves and headed out the door.

What Ellie meant by snow was that there was the faintest dusting of early morning frost across the grass.

We ran out to the grassy field and Ellie told me to hold her hands and carefully lay her down on the frosty dew for her first snow angel. After she stayed down for a minute with her arms and legs splayed out, I pulled her up again and we both admired the crushed grass she left behind in the vague shape of her body. "I can see where I was!" She yelled.

Then she ran over to scoop up the snow, and she managed to get two small, rapidly melting snow droplets to attach themselves to the edge of her glove. She ran inside, I think to put them in the freezer or something, but she made the mistake of showing them to Abby the Dog, who quickly licked them up. We decided to stay inside and get ready for school, and I warned her that by the time she got home from school all the snow would be gone.

I hope this will be a snowy winter. She will be amazed!

Abby and Ellie

I've already told a lot of you this story in person, but I'll put it down here cause it's so cute.

So, poor little Abby the Dog had surgery on her leg and she's been licking her incision, so the vet gave us a cone to put on her. For awhile, we took the cone off at night so she could sleep without it, but she would just lick her leg at night and parts of the wound started looking infected. So the girl at the vet said to keep the cone on all the time.

One night, I was getting Ellie to bed and Abby was next to us and Ellie told me to take the cone off so Abby could sleep next to her. I told her that we can't do that anymore because the vet told us not to. Ellie's eyes immediately filled up with tears and she threw herself on me and buried her face in my neck.

"Abby's not comfortable!" she wailed. "She can't sleep with the cone on!" I hugged her and told her I know it's hard but Abby was licking too much and the girl at the vet's office told us that we have to keep the cone on all the time. Ellie was mad.

"How would the vet like it if she had to have a cone on her neck? She wouldn't like it at all! So she shouldn't make Abby wear a cone all the time!" I was seriously about to bust out laughing as I pictured the girl at the vet with a cone around her head, but I put on a solemn face and agreed that she probably wouldn't like to wear a cone. Not at all.

Ellie selflessly declared that she wished she could have the cone on her own neck instead of Abby and she gave me another tortured sob, but she finally resigned herself to Abby's fate. And I have to admit that Abby is quite the pathetic creature right now, when she nestles her head on the big plastic cone to try to sleep and rams it into things when she tries to walk around.

I do hate those things, but I don't want to hurt em

I was driving home from dinner with Aunt Gen when a possum ran out in front of my car and stopped in the middle of the street. I swerved and almost missed it. I could feel my back wheel clip the creature as I winced, hunched down over the steering wheel, and swore under my breath.

I looked into the rear-view mirror and saw the possum run to the other side of the street. It looked okay. Phew! Then, of course, I immediately came up alongside a police car. I was sure the policeman was going to pull me over for swerving wildly around the street, but he (or she) didn't. I just drove past, through the light, and down the road.

That was a scary ride home!

Life at the forest (preserve)

After years of looking out my front window at pavement and an endless stream of cars, it is a little strange to see wildlife around me.

We have enjoyed watching the bird village that Papa built in the backyard with feeders and baths. We've even enjoyed seeing the interloping squirrels and chipmunks who climb on the feeders and scavenge under them.

The deer have been particularly fun to watch. Ellie and I went for a walk today and saw six deer in an open field, all chasing each other in a big game of tag. They were small and didn't have antlers, so we figured they were young. When we turned around to head back, we saw a big deer with full antlers in another field. So cool.

Earlier today Greg and I had quite a show when a hawk came swooping down, straight at the window next to where Greg and I were sitting. It stopped short and landed on the deck as if it were pulling up a chair to sit next to us, us on the inside and the enormous bird on the outside. It grabbed a black bird that was hanging out in Papa's village and sat on it, just looking around for a moment before flying away with the black bird in its talons.

The hawk flew just to the other side of the yard and sat on the black bird again, this time for quite awhile. Then it flogged that poor bird mercilessly, throwing it up in the air and letting its limp body fall to the ground, then throwing it in the air again and letting it fall. It did that over and over. I can only guess that it was making sure the bird was dead. Greg ran upstairs to tell Nana to look out the window and I sat at the window watching the show and pondering the brutality of nature as I chewed the last few bites of my chicken fingers.

On the way home

Ellie and I went to the grocery store and as I drove us back in the car after shopping, we were both sitting quietly lost in our thoughts.

I was thinking that as things happen in my life and events unfold in the world, it will sometimes hit me that I wish my mom could be around to see them. I know my mom would have loved watching the coverage of this election. And I would have loved to see her reaction to Barack Obama. I know she would have agreed with his politics and she would have been drawn in by his intelligence and charisma. And I know she would have thought that he's a total hottie. So I was thinking how it sucks that she never got to see Barack Obama.

As I was thinking this, Ellie said from the back seat, "Do you know what I was doing?" And I said, "No. What were you doing?" She said, "Praying." I said, "What were your praying?" And she said, "I was praying to God to make your mom alive again."

Six going on twenty

We had a great birthday party for Ellie with the family in Chicago. Ellie got some wonderful presents, including a Hannah Montana-style outfit from Uncle James. Ellie finished dinner early and while the rest of us ate, she quietly slipped upstairs and changed into the outfit Uncle James gave her. She came down wearing her jeans, a sparkly butterfly t-shirt and a pink pullover sweater. Everyone ooooohed and aaaahed and we all clapped uproariously at how cute Ellie was and how stylish she looked in her new outfit.

All except Greg, who sat quietly at the table with sweat beading up on his forehead as he watched his daughter age 10 years in front of his eyes.

Stylin' clothes. The bane of a father's existence.

We made it

I am Lisa in Illinois now!

We are so tired. We were so sad to leave our friends. We are excited and scared but happy to be here and looking forward to whatever comes next.

One funny Ellie story: We were getting in the car and I wasn't in yet and Ellie yelled from the back seat, "Mommy, get your butt in the car!" I gave her a stern look and said, "You don't order me around and talk to me that way." She immediately smiled and asked me so softly and sweetly, "Mommy? Will you please get your butt in the car?"

Her first disaster movie

We're going crazy here so I haven't had time to post. I know you all understand. But I'm tired and resting now, so I'll post a little snippet of our day.

Ellie and I drove all over the place today running errands and I kept her busy by telling her the story of the Titanic. No, I am not a sick mom. Well, yes I am, but I didn't think to talk about the Titanic. She went to a friend's house to play yesterday and they watched the movie Titanic. I would not have thought of it as a kid's movie, but apparently it's her friend's favorite movie. I asked what she remembered of it and she couldn't remember much of anything. She wanted me to tell her what happened.

I said, "Well, don't worry, after the ship crashed, they got all the kids out." She said, "The ship crashed?" I said, "Oh, didn't you get to that part?" She said, "No, we turned it off before that."

Hmmmmm.... so now I must explain a big disaster where lots of people died. Should I candy coat it? Nah.... well, maybe a little. I explained the whole thing about the iceberg and how they didn't have enough lifeboats and I said they saved all the kids and mommies and daddies but some people died. And that was sad but the good thing was that they learned from their mistakes and now all big ships have enough lifeboats so if there's a crash then everyone will be saved.

And then she wanted to know who Rose was on the Titanic and I explained that even though there really was a Titanic and it really did crash, that the people who made the movie just made up a character named Rose and she wasn't real. And I have no idea of that concept made any sense. I'm thinking it didn't.

A quick one

Ellie was crying when we got to school this morning because of an unfortunate shoe incident. Tears were streaming down her face as she got out of the car, and I noticed she still had a little milk from breakfast around her mouth. So I quickly grabbed a paper towel, dabbed a few tears from her cheeks to wet it, and wiped off the milk. I may be callous, but I am resourceful.

Grover

In honor of Ellie's favorite creature in the world, here's a Grover montage. The best part is the kid who says, "You're the best monster I ever met." It doesn't get any better than that. Enjoy!

Ellie the mermaid

We went swimming yesterday and Ellie was wearing flippers and she looked just like a mermaid. So I swam up to her and I said, "Oh my gosh, is that a real mermaid? I've never seen a mermaid before--I didn't think they existed!" Ellie said, "Yes, I'm a mermaid and that's my house over there. You have to go to my house and hide because there are sharks here!" Then Greg was the shark and Ellie had to save me, the lowly human, from being attacked.

After swimming, Ellie and I went to the grocery store and she wanted to continue pretending she was a mermaid. Now she was a mermaid who was joining me on her first trip to my world. She was amazed by everything in the store. She had never seen a grocery cart before and she didn't understand where she was supposed to sit in it. When we went through the aisles, she saw food she'd never seen before. She was eager to tell me all about the food in her world, like noodle fries and seaweed burgers. She told me that some of the food we eat is the same as the food she eats, except they have different names. Butter is called "gamabi" and cheese sticks are called "weebelee."

When we left the store, Ellie the mermaid was eating a cheese stick and she dropped the wrapper on the ground. I stopped the cart and said, "Excuse me but in this world, littering is illegal." She said, "Don't you have garbage cans that come pick up your garbage for you? In my world, all we have to do is drop our garbage on the ground and the garbage cans drive around and pick everything up." I told her that no, we don't have that here and she will have to pick up her own garbage.

The game continued at home, where Ellie pulled out some food that was wrapped and yelled, "Hands! Hands! Come open this, Hands!" She asked us, "Don't you have hands that live in your house that come open things up for you?" I told her no, we have to use our own hands to open things up in this world. She was amazed at our backwardness.

She dropped the game soon after that, which was a good thing since I don't think I would have had the patience for getting her into bed if she had been expecting the pajamas to fly through the air and onto her body and the bed to come pick her up and lay her softly on a pillow.

Fergie

So I was listening to the radio on my way home this morning and they had these obnoxious morning DJs talking about fashion. The girl was reading the "most fashionable" list and she said, "You want to know who topped the most fashionable? Fergie." And I thought, Fergie?!! Sarah Ferguson is on the most fashionable list?? She hasn't even been in the news in 10 years! And the guy, inexplicably to me, said, "Yeah. I could see that." How on earth could he see that? He went on, "But the thing that I don't like about Fergie is the facial piercings. I just don't get the metal through the eyebrow and the nose..." and I thought, WHAT?! The Duchess of York has pierced her FACE?! That is not possible.

And then I vaguely remembered that there is some young woman who is in a band who also refers to herself as Fergie. And that must be the one they were talking about. And then I turned the radio back to NPR, where I could listen to programs that don't give me a headache.

That's better!

The teacher moved the desks! She actually moved Myrtle away from everyone else--not just Ellie. I volunteered in class again today and Ellie was much more attentive. Of course, that is likely because I was there. Still, I think having the desks moved will help a lot.

After being in an elementary school classroom for the first time since I was in elementary school, I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we teach kids. It is painfully obvious that asking twenty 6 and 7 year olds to sit, look at a board, and listen attentively to a teacher for 40 minutes is impossible. It isn't all the kids, of course. There's a minority of kids who can sit and concentrate that long. But most can't and some REALLY can't. That poor teacher!

Only a few more weeks of school

More issues with Myrtle in school. Ugh. Ellie wants her desk to be moved away, but the teacher isn't ready to do that. I don't know why. I'm happy there's only a couple more weeks there.

I was talking about it with Ellie and telling her again that whatever Myrtle is doing, Ellie needs to control her own self. So I was about to say something like, "You have the power to control yourself," but I said, "You have...." and I paused. Ellie continued for me, "...the potential to be or do anything I put my mind to?" I asked her where did that come from and she said school.

Tooth Fairy Redux

The note from the Tooth Fairy went over very well and Ellie was so excited to get it. I was hoping my little hint that the Tooth Fairy would be coming back later--when her tooth falls out--would hold her. Writing a note to the Tooth Fairy is one thing; becoming pen pals is quite another. But Greg got her to bed and let her write another one to put under her pillow. Here is what she dictated to Greg (click on the notes to read them):



Even though Greg wrote the note this time, I was still in charge of writing back. I don't want to keep writing notes, so I put it a bit more clearly this time:



I had to stop myself from writing the Foot Fairy's back story about how he (I imagine the Foot Fairy as a he for some reason) flies into people's bathrooms at night and plucks toenail clippings out of their waste baskets, which he takes back to his land to use as money.

Tooth Fairy

Here's the note Ellie wanted to write to the Tooth Fairy to leave under her pillow. She dictated it to me and I wrote it down. She was so excited for nighttime to leave it under her pillow.



Even though I have an inner queasiness about all of these mythical creatures kids grow up with, I have been embracing Ellie's belief in the Tooth Fairy. So I wrote this note and put it under her pillow. (Click on the letter to see the words.)



See that? Very sweet and very practical. Keep on brushin! Did I want to write a subversive note from the Tooth Fairy? Yes, I did. But I was a very, very good mommy.

Sewing 101

My sewing class has been going well. I'm with a bunch of grandmas. They're not old ladies or anything--probably in their 60s. We've been having a nice time together. We talk about our cholesterol and our ex husbands and if it's really hot in here. I made a cute skirt for Ellie this time, but I'm not sure what to make next.

So if you have any thoughts on what I should do next, that would be great. I would like to make something fun and useful and something that would give me a chance to try some techniques like putting in a zipper or something like that.

What's funny

The three of us were sitting on Ellie's bed and Ellie was in between Greg and me. Greg made some kind of joke about me and I said, "That's not funny." He said, "Oh, that's funny alright." I said, "No, it isn't. That's not funny." Greg said, "Yes, it is funny." Ellie said, "Poop is funny."


In other news, Ellie has a wiggly tooth! Ellie has a wiggly tooth!

We went to church

Ellie and I went to church today, while Greg stayed home and thought about his everlasting soul. We went last week, too, though it was to a different church. Both times it was with a churchgoing friend of mine who invited us along for different events. Today it was a pool party and BBQ.

I wore a t-shirt that had a stenciled symbol of a turtle on it. I stenciled the turtle on the shirt myself, partly because it's a symbol of long life and I thought that was pretty cool, but mostly because I like turtles.

As soon as I got there, though, I started having all these second thoughts that maybe turtles are some kind of pagan symbol that is a threat to Christianity or maybe even a symbol of Satan if you read the Bible in just the right way. I mean, I don't know these people. I don't know this church. This could be the Church of Crazytown for all I know. I wanted to say, "Hi, I'm Lisa and I just like turtles," to everyone I met. In the end, one guy said, "Nice turtle," and that was it.

Both churches used music very heavily in the service. Last week's church was totally multimedia, with music and movies and skits done by members of the congregation. This church wasn't quite like that, but it had a four-man band with three guitarists and a drummer.

We were all sitting in the first row, and Ellie and her friend were directly in front of the band. As soon as the band started playing its very contemporary Christian Rock songs, Ellie started playing air guitar. I taught her to play air guitar awhile ago when we were just hanging out listening to music and Greg was taking videos of us singing and dancing.

So Ellie and her friend were soon playing air guitar together and then her friend broke out the air drums. At one point, Ellie decided to take it to the next level, so she threw herself on the ground on both knees like a rock star with her "guitar" out in front of her. (That was part of my lesson in air guitar.) I was mortified, of course, and leaned over and whispered, "No no no, stand up! Don't do that!" Thank goodness she got right back up again.

A few people commented on how cute they were playing the guitar with the band. Ellie had a lot of fun running around the church and swimming in the pool. It's a nice church, but I don't think I'll be going back. It's a long drive to get there and I think my heathen status is pretty clear to anyone who meets me for more than a couple of minutes.

After the party

We went to a birthday party today for two kids from school. The party was in a more urban part of town that's not so great. Because it's a denser area, there was no parking anywhere, so I dropped Ellie off at the party and parked 5 or 6 blocks away. Then I walked back in the 100 degree heat. Ugh.

The party was fun, and when we left, I decided to drag Ellie back with me to the car instead of going to pick it up. As we walked back, we passed by a parking lot where a homeless looking guy was riding his bike aimlessly around. The guy coasted his bike up to us and I grabbed Ellie's hand and stiffened up a little. He said, "Hello," in a sort of dull voice, and I walked a little faster.

We had to turn the corner and pass by the second entrance to the same parking lot, and of course the same guy on his bike rode through the lot and up to us. He looked right at me, leering a little bit, but he only muttered, "Goodbye, gorgeous," and rode past us. I breathed a small sigh of relief.

"What did he say to you?" Ellie asked me.
"He said 'Goodbye, gorgeous,'" I answered.
"Why did he say 'Goodbye, gorgeous'?" she asked.
"I guess he thinks I'm pretty," I answered. She thought for a minute.
"I think he was talking about me," she said. I was indignant. He was clearly looking at me when he said it.
"No, I'm pretty sure he was talking about me," I said.
"No," Ellie stated. "He was talking about me."

I let it drop. I don't have to argue. If she wants to claim this guy, that's fine. There are plenty of filthy, leering men on bicycles out there for both of us.

I'm still hoping for a good year

That Myrtle is a thorn in my side. She and Ellie got into trouble yesterday at the carpet and the teacher had to talk to me about it. It was some pretty disruptive behavior and the kind of thing that Ellie has never done in class before (poking and bothering another kid who was trying to listen).

I know Myrtle is the instigator. I also know that Ellie has to learn to control her own behavior, because she is going to meet kids like Myrtle over and over in school. So we gave her some consequences, told her there would be more dire consequences if she continues to misbehave in class, and asked her to give us her thoughts on how she is going to control herself better. I am hopeful because a) she's a good kid, b) she likes people and wants people to like her, and c) she knows she has trouble controlling her impulses and needs to try. I'm worried because a) she really does have trouble controlling her impulses, b) she's the stubbornest kid you ever met, and c) she spent a lot of our talk about controlling impulses throwing her legs back and forth and squirming around.

I am crossing my fingers that this is a transition and she will work it out. But if she doesn't, I have no qualms about putting her in an empty room and piping in It's A Small World for 10 hours straight. That should do the trick.

Oh yeah..... let the grossness begin...

Okay, I've been asked for an update on the wart situation, so I have a mandate!

The actual getting rid of the wart was pretty simple. The pads worked so quickly! I put the pad on for the first 48 hours, and when I switched it, I could see that the skin was already white. I kept the second pad on for another 48 hours, and when I took that off, I could see the wart sticking up through the skin! It basically just fell out. And underneath was that telltale hole I was hoping for! I changed it and put a pad on for another 48 hours, because I wasn't sure it could be that easy. But it was! After that, I just quit.

Of course, it isn't really over after the wart falls off. The pad destroys multiple layers of skin in order to get down to the wart, so now I have a huge section of skin that's dead and is just a callous. And the pads move around when you walk, so the acid is spread around to areas that don't need to be destroyed. So now I have a huge swath of skin on my foot that's peeling.

So the last part is still going on, which is me just peeling off the dead skin on the bottom of my foot when it starts annoying me. And I can't do it around Greg, because the moment he sees my hand touch my foot, he is so completely grossed out that he orders me to stop picking my foot at once.

(But you know what? A couple of years ago, Greg had plantar warts too. He spent many days applying the Compound W and picking at whatever dead or dying skin was on the bottom of his foot. So he's no better. And did I complain? Probably not! I can't really remember! But it's for better or worse now, buddy. In sickness and health!)

Gotta love that school playground

I dropped Ellie off at school this morning, and "Myrtle" was in line ahead of her. As soon as Myrtle saw Ellie, she yelled, "Hey, Jello! Look! Jello is here!" Ellie smiled, but she looked kind of sheepish as she hurried to the end of the line. I asked her about it, mainly because I couldn't quite understand what Myrtle was saying. Ellie said, "Just forget about it." But then she admitted that they were calling her Jello because it sounds like Ellie.

I can't tell if it's friendly or mean name calling, and I can't tell if it bothers Ellie or not. And either way, I know I should just let her deal with it, since there will be many more battles to come in her school career. But, man, it is going to be hard.

Must...stop....self...from...smacking....Myrtle....

Back to School Night

Back to School Night was tonight! Parents got a chance to hear all about what the kids are doing in school and what to expect this year. Yes, it was a wee bit intimidating. Maybe we should have had Ellie do some of them thar book learnin over the summer...ya know...instead of just staring at shiny objects.

Nah, she'll be fine. She has run into a little snag in that she is in class with a girl she knows from kindergarten who is a notorious talker. We'll call her "Myrtle." Ellie came back the first week and said, "When Myrtle is in line behind me, she talks to me and I know I'm not supposed to talk, but my body wants to talk to her." I told her that it's hard not to respond when someone is talking right to you, but you still have to follow the rules. I told her that if it's too hard for her that she should move away from Myrtle or request that the teacher move her away.

So tonight I mentioned it to the teacher. She said that Myrtle is the one with the issue (which I already knew) and that she had told Ellie, "I know that you are not a kid who gets into trouble. So, you need to just tell Myrtle that you are not going to talk to her in class." She said today she saw Ellie shush Myrtle, which she saw as a good sign of assertiveness on Ellie's part. So that was great. I told Ellie right away that her teacher and I were both proud of her for handling the situation as she did.

So far I am quite happy with Ellie's teacher and the classroom and the group of kids she's with. I hope it'll be a great year!

The smoke alarm should try a little harder

I am sooo tired today. Greg was out of town this weekend, so it was just the girls here at home.

In the wee hours of the morning, the fire alarm decided to let me know that it was running low on batteries. It gave a beeeeeeeeeep and then a female electronic voice announced, "Low batteries!" It was as loud as if the fire alarm were going off in an actual fire but not nearly as insistent. I don't even know how many times it reminded me throughout the night. All I know is that I was jolted awake 10 times? 20 times? Every 20 minutes? Every 3 minutes? I have no idea.

If you were a fly on my wall, I think this is what you'd hear all night:

BEEEEP!!!! LOW BATTERIES!!!!
"What the----oh, the alarm---I gotta.... zzzzzzzz"

BEEEP!!!!! LOW BATTERIES!!!!
"Jesus Christ! Will that thing just shut up...zzzzzz"

BEEEEP!!!! LOW BATTERIES!!!!!
"I am just going to get up and change the....zzzzzzz"

BEEEEEP!!!!! LOW BATTERIES!!!!!
"I am seriously going to get up and smash that.......zzzzzzz"


All night long. It was like the night I spent in labor. I was ending up with bad dreams because of it--something about Tom Cruise chasing me through an airport. I'm really scared of Tom Cruise now. Finally at 7:30am I got my butt out of bed and changed the batteries. Ellie, of course, slept through the whole thing.

Now I feel like I didn't sleep a wink all night.

Ellie solves global warming

I was listening to the radio and they were talking about how many more polar bears scientists were seeing swimming in the open water. The woman being interviewed said she was "very concerned." Ellie asked why they were concerned about polar bears and I told her that the ice they normally live on has melted. Ellie said, "Well, can't they just get a plane, pick up the polar bears and fly them to where Santa lives?"

New sleeping quarters

Two nights ago, I got Ellie to bed and I kissed her goodnight and I headed out into the living room. After futzing around the house a bit, I turned on The Daily Show and watched it. After that, I got up and I headed to the bathroom only to find Ellie halfway into the hallway, curled up in our white, plastic laundry basket that she lined with a blanket and a pillow. She was still awake. Our conversation:

"Ellie, what are you doing? Are you going to sleep in the laundry basket?"

"Yeah, I just need another pillow and I'm too tired to get it."

"Are you sure you want to sleep in a basket? It can't be comfortable."

"I want to."

"Alright, but go to sleep. It's very late now."

So I got her a pillow and propped her up more and left her there and 10 minutes later she was asleep. We moved her to the bed soon after she fell asleep.

So now Ellie has gone through phases of sleeping on the floor, in a cardboard box, in a small dog carrier, and in a laundry basket. I think soon we'll find her asleep on the dining room table.

School!

It was the first day of school today. First grade!

Ellie got totally ready last night. I got her a backpack, the few school supplies her teacher requested, and a new outfit to wear to her first day. (She looks like a pink Catholic schoolgirl.) I washed her new clothes last night, Ellie took a bath, and she packed up her supplies and her lunch. Ellie told me to wake her up especially early so she would be at school early. She still had a hard time going to bed, but she was asleep around 8:30pm.

I woke her up at 6:15am. Uuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh. It was dark. She was barely conscious. I was barely conscious. We veeeerrrryyyyy slowly got up and moving and she got dressed and had cereal and we didn't watch any TV, she just stretched out on the couch and rested. Then we brushed hair and teeth, checked our supplies, kissed Daddy goodbye and skeedaddled.

The traffic going into the school was horrific and that's the way it's going to be every day. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Ellie was very excited to be at school, saying "First grade! First grade!" We parked at the far end of the lot and walked over to class.

Of course, we aren't supposed to drop off at the classroom and of course no one told us that. You're supposed to bring the kids to the playground to line up and walk single file into class. Lots of parents were confused, so we had to mill around and tentatively follow each other, make our way through the crowd, etc. Thank goodness we had stopped at the room on sign-up day and met the teacher. If we hadn't done that, we wouldn't even have known what the teacher looked like or how to find her. In all the confusion, Ellie was getting pretty nervous. She was clutching my hand and didn't want me to leave.

The kids lined up, and we saw the mom of a boy who was in Ellie's kindergarten class. She volunteered in kindergarten and loves Ellie, so she was very happy that Ellie was in class with her son. He's a really nice kid, so I'm happy they're in class together, too. There were probably five other kids from Ellie's kindergarten class who are now in the first grade class. I thought it was a welcome relief to see the familiar faces, but Ellie was still quite nervous.

The kids all filed into class, single file, with Ellie clutching my hand. I told her that when we get to the door, she's going to have to let go of my hand. She clearly didn't want to, but when we got there she did. She dropped my hand, looked at me and said, "Bye mommy." I said bye and she filed in. No tears! I'm so proud. Actually, none of the kids in her class cried, and they were all very quiet and sat very nicely at their desks while we parents watched them all get seated. Some parents lingered on for a few minutes, but I left after I saw that Ellie had found her desk and sat down.

I met up with my buddies and we compared notes a bit and it turns out there were a few kids who cried and carried on in their classes. I hope that means Ellie will end up with a calm group of kids this year. We were so lucky last year, with a great teacher and a great group of kids, and I hope our luck continues!

So now I'm feeling a little down that school is starting again and Ellie will be gone all day. But today is my first day at school, too. I'm starting a sewing class today! My last sewing class was fun but it wasn't very structured. I'm hoping this new class will teach me a lot more techniques. I'm off!

Beady eyes and vicious little face

We have been engaged in an ongoing war with animals on our property, and here is the latest soldier from the Axis of Evil:













Can you even tell what it is?? Or does it look like some unidentified beastie from the depths of hell?

Twitter post

I have a fever of 100.5 and I'm cutting up my shoes with an exacto knife. I wonder if that's a good idea.

I like Rats

This is Greg as a guest blog.

We were driving in the car today and Ellie said to me,

"Daddy, can I tell you something weird?"

I said ok, and she stated,

"I think rats' faces are kind of cute!"

Beautiful

The music is so beautiful, but I also liked watching the animation. But I'm adding this mainly to share the music. Wow.

Almost time for first grade!

School starts next week! We went to school and after standing in a looooooong line, we got the room and teacher assignments and school supply list. It was lots of fun to see school friends and run around the grounds looking for the new room and meeting Ellie's new teacher. Ellie had to sign her name to a couple of items and she very proudly wrote her name in cursive. Ellie and her two best friends are all in different classes, which is the same as it was last year. We were pretty amazed that they could all three end up with different teachers two years in a row, but we thought the teachers might have planned it that way. Apparently, the teachers get together at the end of the year and deliberately split kids up if they think they will be too distracted together. They also split up the kids who were "bad influences" on each other the previous year. So Gen, if you're reading this, I think I know why we ended up in different 5th grade classes!

Proof that I really would blind myself

So I was lying on the couch checking email and resting my head on my arm. I didn't realize it, but the arm with my head on it started to fall asleep. When I picked my head up off my hand, I had no feeling in my arm and thus no control. My arm flailed around and before I could stop it, I punched myself in the eye. My arm even swung back and then at me, so it got some momentum before hitting me. Like it was trying to hurt me.

Should I warn you about the grossness? Nah

Ellie has been at daycamp every day this week, so there's little to report about her. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to write about myself and tell you all how I've been doing.

So, I have this wart on the bottom of my foot. It's been getting more and more annoying and more painful when I walk because apparently plantar warts grow into the skin. This is because when you step on them while walking you drive them into your body. (Normal warts grow onto the surface of the skin.) So it forms a big bump under the skin that really hurts when you walk on it. I've decided to try to get rid of this wart, so I went and got Compound W pads at Walgreen's.

I was considering getting the Freeze Off, which is an applicator that sends a stream of ice cold air from an aerosal can onto the wart, freezing it on the spot and leaving it to fall off a few days later. But I had warts taken off my hand with liquid nitrogen when I was a kid and it was reeeeeallllly painful. I don't even want to approximate that again. Besides, when I read the fine print it had the following warnings:

Overexposure can lead to freezing too deeply with damage to the skin, resulting in scars and/or nerve damage. (No, thank you!)

Freezing the fingers and/or toes too deeply can lead to local tissue death. (I am not going to use anything that has a side effect of death. I don't care if it's local tissue or not.)

Misuse of Compound W® Freeze Off™ may result in burns and permanent scarring of healthy tissue or blindness. (The blindness must be if you accidentally shoot it into your eyes. And I would definitely do that. I'm extremely clumsy.)

Treat only one side of a finger or toe at a time to avoid freezing arteries or veins. (I am wholly unqualified to avoid freezing arteries or veins.)

So that was it for the Freeze Off. I am supposed to keep the pads on for 48 hours at a time, then change them if needed and use them for up to 12 weeks. When the skin on my foot turns white and starts to fall off, that's when I know it's working. I can soak the foot, cut or scrape off the dead, white skin and wait for the inner wart to fall out, possibly leaving a small hole. So when I see a hole in my foot, it's time to break out the champagne. And let me tell you, it will be the good stuff!

So in the middle of all the cute, funny Ellie stories, I know you'll all be keeping a watchful eye out for the latest status report on my wart. Rest assured, reports will be forthcoming.

Planning ahead

Getting Ellie to bed:

Ellie: Mommy, stay with me!
Me: No, honey, you need to get yourself to bed.
Ellie: (grabbing my rings) Can I hold these so I'll remember you?
Me: No, those are my rings, I'm going to keep them.
Ellie: When you die, I want you to give me your rings and I'll put them in a special box so I will remember you forever.
Me: Of course you can have my rings when I die, but hopefully I won't die for a long time, until you are all grown up.
Ellie: You have to eat healthy food and exercise and don't smoke.
Me: That's right.

Little princesses

We went to a birthday party yesterday that was all about dressing up in princess dresses, curling hair, putting on makeup and having a princess parade. They had stations where one of the moms put makeup on the girls and really gussied them up with eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush and lip gloss. Then at another station, other moms curled their hair, then they got into their dresses and fancy shoes. Ellie looked like a beautiful princess and a little like Jon Bonet Ramsey. It was a lot of fun and a little disconcerting.

Ellie took all of it in stride, even having two curling irons in her hair at once. I was a little nervous about the curling irons, but I think that's because I had a bad childhood experience with a curling iron. My grandma (who was very girlie and into makeup and clothes, etc) decided to curl my hair when I was very young and she accidentally burned my cheek pretty badly. I think I had a second degree burn. I don't remember the incident, but I do remember being very anxious when I got my hair curled growing up. My mom was furious, partly because she burned me and partly because my mom rebelled against my grandma's incessant primping and making herself pretty. She thought it was outrageous to curl a little girl's hair.

But back to the party. After the parade, the girls sat under a little canopied table with tulle all around it and ate tea sandwiches, fruit bowls and lemonade out of stemmed glasses. Of course, Greg and I forgot to bring our camera (long story) but we'll get a few pictures from our friends and I'll forward them along. The parade and everything was SO cute.

We had a fun day today

Greg has been planning to take us on an outing one day this week and today worked out for us to go. We considered a bunch of options, but we finally decided on taking a trip to the USS Hornet, an aircraft carrier in Alameda that's open for tours. When we got there, Ellie immediately was nervous and scared by the size of the ship and the fact that it was sitting on the water. But when we got the the entrance and she saw that she had to cross a walkway (read: bridge) over the water to get on the ship, she grabbed the nearest guardrail and wouldn't let go. It took 10-15 minutes of cajoling to get her to cross it. But she faced her fears and she walked across a bridge where she could see the water under her feet! Yay! She was pretty happy and proud of herself that she did that and we were proud of her too.

The Hornet was incredible. It was ginormous. We went through endless corridors leading to barracks, eating areas, a huge sick bay complete with an operating room, then more barracks, a laundry facility, meeting rooms, officers areas, etc. And that's all just in the underground area. The areas on top were where they navigated and steered the ship, and where they would guide aircrafts to land on the on-deck runway. It was built in the 40s and used throughout WWII. Some fun stuff we did was lie down on the 3-tiered bunk beds, use the old toilets and sinks, and dial the (non-working) rotary phone. Ellie had never seen a rotary phone before. Ellie ended up loving the tour and having a great time.

On the way home, we had a couple of funny moments. We were driving down a street and Ellie saw a flyer tacked to a tree that had a picture of a man on it. It must have been an ad for a band or something. Ellie said, "Hey, look, there's a picture of a man on that tree!" I nodded and she said, "Maybe somebody lost their husband!"

We stopped for dinner and I grabbed a few toothpicks on the way out. Ellie had a toothpick and she was poking it into her leg and laughing that she was poking holes in herself. She bent her leg and accidentally poked herself kind of hard. Later on, she noticed she was bleeding a little bit. She was amazed. She said, "I poked myself so hard that I'm bleeding! I can't believe I poked myself with a toothpick and now I'm bleeding! Mom, you gotta put this on your blog!"

So I am.

Smackdown

Ellie and I made a quick trip to the coffee shop this morning and while she was waiting for me to put milk in my coffee, she started smacking herself on the head. The guy next to me was kind of taken aback and said, "She's hitting herself!" I had only caught it out of the corner of my eye, but I leaned down and said to Ellie, "What are you doing? Are you okay?" Ellie just pushed herself into me and looked down at the ground. I shrugged my shoulders at the guy, but he started laughing and said, "Did you see her? She just hit herself on the head!" I said, "Yeah, I don't know what she's doing." He chuckled again and left. Then we left, and Ellie was so mad. She started bawling as soon as we got out of the shop. "You and that man were laughing at me!" she sobbed. I tried to explain that we were laughing because we were confused about why she was hitting herself. I said we weren't trying to laugh at her. She was really upset on the way home but she'd calmed down by the time we got home.

A few minutes after we got home, Ellie mentioned that mean man again and how he laughed at her. I said, "Honey, he wasn't trying to be mean, he was just confused. I'm still confused about why you were hitting yourself." She said, "I was hitting myself because you told me that I should hurt myself to see if I'm awake." The other day, Ellie told me that she wasn't sure if she was dreaming or awake. I said you can tell if you're awake by pinching yourself and if it hurts you know you're awake. Apparently she forgot the pinching part and processed the hurting part so now she thinks you tell if you're awake by beating yourself to a pulp. At least now she's learned the perils of doing it in public.

Boys have cooties

Ellie has always been a "girlie" girl in that she likes princesses, dressing up and playing with dolls/animals. She also likes to play with other girls over boys. She took it to the extreme today when we went to a birthday party and she told me that she didn't want to eat the cake. She didn't have a piece and when were on the way home, I asked her why she didn't want any cake. She said it was because it was a boy's cake and she didn't want to eat a boy's cake with basketball decorations. I remember having a bit of the same attitude when I was a kid, but not that much. But you can't have too much of an aversion to boys when you have a brother.

Quick summer sum up

Yes, it's been a loooooong time since I've posted on the blogs! The summer is going along very nicely and I can't believe it's only three weeks or so until school starts again. Ellie went to day camp throughout July, and tomorrow she starts gymnastics camp for a week, in addition to swimming and gymnastics classes. Camps, classes and numerous birthday parties (I swear more people are born in the summer than winter) have kept us busy.

We had a great time camping with friends at a campground that has it all--a swimming pool, petting zoo, hayride, outdoor movie screen, face painting, two playgrounds, and breakfast in the morning. They even have a coffee cart! It was my kind of camping. It would have been perfect if it hadn't been for the rogue cat roaming the campground meowing incessantly at bedtime and the incredibly loud bird that started squawking at 7am. It would have been even more perfect if we had brought our Aerobed.

Of course there have been lots of funny Ellie stories along the way and every time they happen I make a mental note to write them in the blog. And then I forget them. So I can't think of any funny stories to post.

Greg and I finally got a block of time to see that insanely long movie, The Dark Knight. I really liked it, and I found it as disturbing and awesome as it was supposed to be. Heath Ledger was amazing, of course. I also loved Aaron Eckhart as Two Face. I thought he was riveting. I actually thought the performances of everyone in the film were extremely good, especially given that it's a super hero movie and the characters are painted with pretty broad strokes. About 3/4 of the way through the movie, I realized that there was a little kid sitting behind me and I spent the rest of the movie being annoyed by the fact that a kid was watching such a dark and disturbing film. Especially during that scene at the end with Two Face. I was really bothered that a kid was watching that. When the movie ended, I looked behind me and the kid looked about eight, which was older than I thought he was from his voice. But still way too young for the movie. He looked kind of shell-shocked.

We're heading out to Music in the Park, which the city council hosts throughout the summer and which is one of my favorite things in the world to do.

The Professional Shaver

This is Greg guest blogging on Lisa's blog. Quick story about Ellie:

Ellie walked in as I was shaving, and decided she wanted to shave too. So she got the shaving cream and, just as I did, she put it on her chin and cheeks. And nose, and forehead, and ears. And hands, and hair. Then she got a tiny lotion cream, about 3 inches long with a straight edge at the bottom, and proceeded to shave her face down. That was pretty fun.

Next, she decided she wanted to shave me. My chest and tummy to be precise. So she spread the shaving cream all over, and started shaving away. I tried to go get a washcloth, but she held my wrist and wouldn't let me go.
At one point, I said, "C'mon kid, its time to go eat".
And she replied, "I'm not a kid, I'm a professional".

The E (Ellie) True Hollywood Story

She was industrious. She was self-sacrificing. She was creative. And after selling her animals, working tirelessly doing chores around the house for fifty cents or a dollar, and emptying her piggie bank, Ellie had upwards of $30 of spending money.

That was two weeks ago.

Today, if you open up her green M&M purse and pull out her pink M&M wallet, you'll find exactly seventy eight cents.

It all started with the two beanie baby animals she had to have at Borders.

Then there was the ice cream for her and all her newfound friends at the park. The friends who mysteriously disappeared once the rainbow sno-cones ran dry.

There was fifty cents here and fifty cents there at every gumball machine she saw, and the special trip to Best Buy, where she quickly turned her quarters into a ring, a splat ball and a tiny plastic puppy.

A trip to Toys R Us for a pair of Barbie dolls yielded some good buys and mommy did split the cost, but sale or no sale, it was no use. The end was in sight.

It was Michael's that did her in. A penultimate trip for glitter glue (it was only a dollar!) and a final trip, the last six dollars traded for a sweater and cheerleader's skirt she just had to have for some undetermined bear.

It was a fun two weeks, filled with heady possibility and even joy. But perhaps it was inevitable that Ellie would fall into the decadent underworld that so many find themselves in when they have $30 to spend on whatever they want and are only five years old.

Future Entrepreneur

Ellie decided to sell her stuffed animals so she could make enough money to buy a new stuffed animal. I told her that would take some planning to put ads out and set up a garage sale, but she really wanted to do it. So last weekend when I was out at a craft fair, Ellie and Greg pulled out a bunch of the stuffed animals that we had won at Circus Circus and set up a little stuffed animal stand in the driveway. They hung a sign saying "Stuffed Animals 4 Sale" over the real estate sign for our house and hung a few animals on the hooks of the sign. Then they waited. Ellie got antsy pretty quickly and kept asking when people were going to come buy an animal. She even tried taking a bear, standing on the sidewalk, and making the bear wave its arms to all the passers by. Finally, Greg decided to take a page from the Papa school of childrearing and snuck into the backyard and paid off the kids next door to come buy an animal from Ellie. The kids used Greg's dollar to buy a few animals and then, amazingly, they went back and got their own money and bought a few more. Ellie ended up making about 6 dollars.

A few days later, she took her money from the sale plus some other dollars she had and she and I went to Borders to pick out an animal. We pulled out all the animals that fell into her price range, lined them up side by side, and narrowed them down to the cutest three. It was a dog, a cat, and a monkey. Ellie decided finally that the dog was the cutest, but she assured the cat that she would come back for it when she made more money.

A few days later, I told Ellie that she could take her piggy bank to the Coinstar machine and get dollars for all her coins. She loved that idea, so we brought in her coins and traded them in for about $25. Ellie wanted immediately to go to the park and wait for the ice cream man. I have a standing answer of no to ice cream at the park, so she was thrilled that she would finally get to override my answer and buy her own. She brought her purse with her wallet that had all her money in it and she met some kids at the park and pretty soon the ice cream man came and she ran over and bought ice cream for herself and two other kids. She was like Mickey Rourke in Barfly. "To all my friends! Ice cream for everyone!"

Today, Ellie wanted to go back to the store and I hemmed and hawed a bit saying, "Do you really need another stuffed animal?" But she got teary and said she already told the kitty that she'd come back for her and I said, "Well, it is your own money and you can spend it where you want." But I also reminded her that if she buys the kitty she won't have as much money to buy other things and that when you spend money you have less of it. She said she understood but I know it's the kind of lesson you have to experience to really get.

So we went back to Borders and Ellie bought the kitty plus a Berenstein Bears book and I stood off to the side as she went up to the counter, gave the man her items and pulled out her purse and wallet to pay. The man was very nice and called her "young lady" and said, "Thank you so much, you've been a very polite customer." Ellie mostly giggled through the transaction. On the way out, Ellie said, "I like that man. I want him to be your boyfriend." Then she immediately pointed to an advertisement and said, "Look mommy, there's Jon Stewart!" and I said, "I want him to be my boyfriend."

Funny

We went to some friends' house to swim and have dinner and then see a movie in the park and it was time to get our stuff together to head to the movie. Ellie and I went upstairs to get our towels and Ellie stopped me from going into the bedroom, saying she was going to get the towels herself. I asked her is she was doing anything she shouldn't be doing and she said, "No, for real life." and started to run off. I called down the hall to her, saying, "Okay, I'm believing you because you said for real life." She stopped, turned around, and ran back to me. She had clearly made a moral choice and was resolute. "Okay," she said. "I'll tell you what we were doing. We were making a fort so I could hide in it when it was time to go home so I wouldn't have to go." As she fessed up to her plans in all earnestness, looking me in the eyes the whole time, her body started to involuntarily move with all the tell-tale signs of having to pee really bad. In 10 seconds, the two halves of her body started doing two different things at once. The upper half was solid and motionless, stoically informing me of the truth, while the lower half twisted and contorted and even threw itself on the ground. It was absolutely everything I could do not to burst out laughing but I finally interrupted her and asked, "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" She practically yelled, "Yes, you go get the towels!" and ran into the bathroom, which we were luckily standing right in front of at the time.

Emeril he is not

Greg: So, what are the ingredients in brownies? Flour, eggs, butter, sugar, some kind of chocolate food coloring?

Me: Chocolate food coloring?

Greg: Well, what makes it look like chocolate?

Me: Chocolate.

Summertime

I've been reading Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder to Ellie every night before bed. I read a chapter a night. She seems to enjoy it, especially when she's tired and it's easy for her to lie still and drift off as I'm reading. I love reading it to her and usually I want to keep reading after the chapter is over, but I've mostly been good and put it away.

Ellie had to get two shots last week because we've been behind in vaccinations and needed to make them up. So we had a special appointment just for shots and I warned Ellie one day ahead of time that she was going to get shots. I told her that there would be two shots and they would be over very quickly and then we'd go out for breakfast afterward and she could get pancakes. She was totally awesome for the shots. She got very nervous right before and I held both her hands and told her, "Think about pancakes. Think about pancakes." And she flinched a little bit for the first one but not so much for second one and didn't cry at all. She was a brave little girl!

That was also the first day of camp, which she said right away she didn't want to go to. But of course she loved it and has a new best friend who she plays with every day and who she has to wait for every day so they can go home at the same time. We've been swimming almost every day at the YMCA, which is also a big party, since we almost always run into someone we know from preschool, kindergarten, camp or the park. I've been very pleasantly surprised at how many people from the neighborhood have joined the Y.

I can't believe how little summer there is left.

One of the fun days in Vegas

In addition to Circus Circus, Ellie loved going to the M&M store and to Gameworks, which is a video arcade for Sega video games. You can buy a card that will give you a certain number of minutes to play any video game you want or a card that will give you a certain number of points that you can use on any video game OR carnival-type game you want. Each game will take a certain number of points off your card and then when you've used all the points you can add more money or just be done.

So the point card was best for us, because it worked for this game that Ellie loved loved loved. It was a dress-up video game. It gives you a card to start off with, and the card has a certain part of an ensemble on it--either an outfit or a hairdo or shoes or some accessories. You use each card to dress up a girl and then you get rated on how she looks. So it pays to have more cards so you can choose from more styles. By the time Ellie was done, she had about 35 cards. Practically a deck. She played this game over and over and over.

In fact, she played it so much that she started getting duplicate cards. So she decided to give the duplicates away to another little girl. But there were no other girls playing the game--only a mom with boys who were playing a similar boy-oriented game. She tried to give the duplicates to the mom, but she wouldn't take them. So Ellie sent me off in one direction and she ran off in another to find a girl to give the cards to. I, of course, played video games while I was supposed to be looking for girls.

At one point I was looking at a video game when Ellie came bolting toward me with something in her hands. As she got closer, I could see it was a Curious George doll! She was so excited as she told me that she had won the Curious George in one of those games where you move a claw and send it down to pick up an item and drop it in a chute. I have tried to get a stuffed animal out of those claw things for 30 years and I have never once done it. I had tried just the day before at least 10 times to get a Curious George from that very same machine and I couldn't do it. And she did it! She was sooooooooooo happy. She said at least 15 times that day how happy she was that she had won a Curious George. I told her later in the day that she couldn't have a slushie and she said, "I'm sad because I can't have a slushie but I'm still happy because I won that Curious George!"

Vegas, baby!

We are back from sunny and hot Las Vegas! We were there for 10 days. Here's a quick rundown of our stay:

The trip over there was horr-i-ble. We got up early early to make it to the airport for our 9:50am flight and got there in plenty of time. But when we got there, there was a mass of people waiting for the check-in line and the area was in complete chaos. We waited for awhile in a long, circuitous line that seemed to go nowhere and intersected at random points with the security line. This long line was not because there were a lot of people flying that day. It was because they had three people working the check-in line. Finally I asked the ONE person on the floor which line we should be in. I noticed that there was a much shorter line for people who only needed to check their bags so I asked her about that and it turns out we could wait in it. So we hoofed it to the short line and still waited and waited until we finally got there---too late to check our bags. SO we had to bring the bags we were going to check through the security line, which means they made me throw out about $30 worth of toiletries. I was so mad. I know United is going through a lot of financial trouble and it is REALLY showing. So I doubt we'll be flying anywhere this year unless it's to move.

Once we got there, we had a good time, though. The MGM Grand has a lion habitat in the casino, so going down to see the lions was always on the agenda. There would often be one or two trainers in the habitat with the lions, throwing balls and big plastic spools for the lions to chase and play with. The lions would run right up to the glass to grab the toys, which was always exciting.

In addition to lions at the MGM, the Mirage has a habitat for dolphins and tigers (including BABY tigers). We got to get very close to the dolphins and Ellie was really enthralled with them. She followed the trainer as she walked around the pool doing exercises with a dolphin and feeding it. The setting was beautiful and it was very low-key, which was nice.

Circus Circus was kinda seedy and run down, but the kids don't notice and it has carnival and arcade games. It also has short, 10-minute circus shows every hour or so. There was a team of three trapeze artists who did a show above the crowd and the look on Ellie's face as they were somersaulting and flipping in the air was priceless. After that, she said, "That was the best show I ever saw!" She wanted to see the circus show over and over.

We went another day with all of us and Greg won Ellie a bunch of stuffed animals. He tried to win her a stuffed Scooby Doo doll at a booth where you throw a wiffle ball into a tilted basket. He did it once and then tried 10 or 15 times to do it again. He was one of those guys. I kept saying, "You know, you're their favorite kind of customer, don't you?" and "You know you can just buy the doll for the money you're spending, don't you?" and "You know they want you to think you can do it again, don't you?" He wouldn't listen, of course. He even went back later and I had to physically drag him away while the girl there just laughed at us.

MORE ON OUR TRIP COMING UP....

Our Father's Day

We had a very nice Father's Day. Ellie woke me up and we went and got cards and presents for Greg. Ellie wanted to get him a stuffed kitty so we went to Safeway, where they have a little display of stuffed animals. They had kitties for $15 and stuffed bears for $6, so I grabbed a bear with a pink nose and declared it was a kitty. It did look like it could have been a kitty. Ellie was pretty convinced it was a bear, but I said no, I was positive it was a cat.

We brought everything home and Ellie wrote out her own card to Daddy and we set up the balloon and cards and bearcat and some coffee and donuts (because it was a special day) on the table. Then we woke Greg up and he came out and of course he loved everything. Then we ran around cleaning the place until it was spotless for our open house. Then we headed out to lunch and on the way Ellie bit the fleshy part around her thumbs, saying owww owww oww while she was doing it, until she had big, huge teeth marks in her hand. Then she showed us the teeth marks she made because she's insane. We went to a little place in Lafayette with an outdoor patio. Of course there were a bunch of people on the patio with their dogs, so just walking across the patio took 20 minutes. It went like this:

Walk four feet.
Stop.
"Can I pet your dog?"
"Sure!"
Pet pet pet.
"Thank you!"
"You're welcome!"
Walk four feet.
Stop.
"Can I pet your dog?"
"Sure!"
Pet pet pet.
"Thank you!"
"You're welcome!"
Walk four feet.
Stop.
"Can I pet your dog?"

Like that for every. single. dog.

Then we went to a park in Orinda and hung out and called people to wish Happy Father's Day and played that we were a royal family who was being chased through the woods and were swordfighting and walked across the whole play structure without touching the ground and had spit fights with water from the drinking fountain and just ran around. Then we went to Walnut Creek and got ice cream, which was huge but Ellie ate her whole entire enormous scoop and then we went home and learned magic card tricks. Then Ellie went to bed but she was pretty riled up so it took a long time for her to get to sleep.

Ellie's necklace

Ellie designed this necklace and I helped string the teeny tiny beads. Of course she won't wear the necklace and it's only big enough to fit around her neck.

A typical night in goofytown

I bought a lunchbox from ebay a few weeks ago. It was the first time I ever bought anything from ebay. It all went fine and I got the lunchbox and we liked it and all. So tonight I got an email from ebay and the subject line was "You Have Feedback That You Need to Leave." How would you read that sentence? I originally read it that I was kicked off of ebay. Really, I thought ebay had received some feedback and I was now being asked to leave. I got really nervous! Then I realized that they were telling me that I need to leave my feedback for the seller. So either that's some unfortunate word choice or I have a serious persecution complex.

Greg was teasing me about something and he said to Ellie that I was a freaky hippie pinko commie and Ellie thought he said I was a freaky hippo. She thought that was hilarious. Then later Greg said I was the disturbing one in the family and Ellie decided that Greg should call me a disturbing hippo. She thought that was so hilarious that she couldn't even say it cause she was laughing so much. So calling me a disturbing hippo became a big bunch of fun for that night.

Ellie decided she needed to be by herself for awhile for the first time in her life. She went into her room and I brought her her dinner and she ate it on her school desk and she asked me to close the door please so she could be alone. I told her that Daddy and I would be at the dining room table if she wanted to join us and she said okay. Then she got into her pajamas and (sort of) brushed her teeth while we ate dinner and finally she came out and joined us. A sudden streak of independence.

On making things up

Here's another cute little Ellie comment. We were driving to school this morning and Ellie asked if I heard a strange noise. We discussed what it might be for a minute and I said I didn't hear anything and she said, "Maybe I used my imagination by accident."

Speaking of using her imagination, recently I've noticed how much more grounded in reality Ellie is than a lot of the girls I see her playing with. Many kids her age can really work themselves into a frenzy (often fearful) about things they're imagining and they will believe completely the things they are saying even if they obviously aren't true. Ellie likes to pretend but she doesn't seem to lose her sense of what's real and what's not.

That reminds me of another conversation we sometimes have in the car. Ever since she was very little, Ellie has had a fear of driving over bridges. This is not a good fear to have for the location in which we live. She used to get really scared every time we drove on a bridge, but now she's only nervous and only when the bridge goes over water. So now when we drive onto a bridge here's how the conversation goes:

Ellie: Are we over water?
Me: Yes.
Ellie: Don't tell me that!
Me: Okay, we're not.
Ellie: Are we really over water?
Me: Yes.
Ellie: Don't tell me that!
Me: Okay, we're not.

And so on until we're over the bridge.

None of them involve Miss Mary Mack

Ellie has learned so many things in kindergarten this year. In addition to reading, writing, and 'rithmatic, she's learned a few hand clapping and jump roping chants. Here are a few, brought to you straight from the playground:

Here's a hand clapping one:

Lemonade!
Crushed ice!
Beat it once!
Beat it twice!
Turn around!
Touch the ground!
Kick your boyfriend out of town!
Freeze! (you freeze on one leg and the first one to topple over loses)

And another hand clapping one. This one is particularly nonsensical:

Chinese checkers, I can do karate.
Chinese checkers, I can call my mommy.
Chinese checkers, Oops!
I'm sorry!
You'd better be sorry cause I'm not sorry!
Inky dinky donkey the boys love you!

There's just one jump rope chant:

Ice cream soda
Cherry on top
Who's your boyfriend?
I forgot.
A B C D... (you jump until you trip and see which letter you get to)

And its alternative:

Ice cream soda
Cherry on top
How many boyfriends do you got?
1, 2, 3, 4...

Dr. Seuss is so awesome

Ellie's favorite book to be read to at night:



She's gotten to the point where she will recite a great deal of it with me, which is really fun because the book is so well written and so fun to read. It's just great to see her have fun with the poetry of it.

Here are some lines she likes to say with me:

"And with great skillful skill and with great speedy speed,
I took the soft tuft. And I knitted a Thneed!"

"I saw something pop out of the stump
of the tree I chopped down. It was sort of a man.
Describe him?...That's hard. I don't know if I can."

"Then Oh, baby Oh, how my business did grow!" (We say this one with a Southern drawl.)

"At the far end of town
where the Grickle-grass grows"

And, of course, the best stanza in the book:

"I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees, for the trees have to tongues.
And I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs--
he was very upset as he shouted and puffed--
What's that THING you've made out of my Truffula tuft?"

Brilliant.

Animalia

Greg was cleaning the garage when he heard some growling from behind the fence that separates our carport from our neighbor's yard. He got a flashlight and shined it under the fence and saw a raccoon. Ellie looked too and they came and got me to look. At first I couldn't see it, so Greg got a broom and poked at it to point it out to me, making it growl. Once I heard it growl and saw its vicious, beady little eyes, I went back in the house to try to figure out how I was going to get by without ever going into the garage again. Greg went in and out of the garage cautiously for awhile. After weedwhacking the lawn, he decided to scare the raccoon away by sticking the loud, whirring weedwhacker in its face. He discovered that the raccoon was not scared of it at all, but it did reluctantly head into the neighbor's yard. Greg said it came right back after he turned off the weedwhacker. I thought that meant it was probably a mommy with babies that it's protecting (making it even scarier). Greg made some calls to animal control and when we checked again the next day, they were gone. So we'll keep an eye out and see if they come back.

In other animal news, Ellie found some snails at school the other day. They were all curled up in their shells so you could pick them up easily. The mom I was with was totally grossed out by them and told her kids to put them back but I poked them with a stick and let Ellie bring two of them home. I think I missed the mom class where they teach you to be squeamish. Ellie set up a home for them in a plastic plate with rocks and fake flowers and she said, "I guess I have snails as pets now." The poor girl is so desperate for a pet that she has to declare any living creature she finds at the side of the road as her pet. We have to get her a cat or dog. After a few hours I told Ellie to bring the snails in the backyard because I figured eventually they were going to come out of their shells and start roaming the house. So now they're in the plate in the backyard.

Mommy's Day!!!!

It's been a fun Mother's Day so far! I got up at 7:30 and Greg had already given me coffee and coffee cake and the Sunday paper. Ellie woke me up but told me that I could stay in bed and read the paper but she wanted to sit in bed with me. So we sat in bed and ate and looked at the paper together. She said she was going to let me do whatever I want the whole day and she would be extra nice to me the whole day but she wasn't sure if she could be extra nice the WHOLE day. I told her to just do her best.

Then Ellie and Greg went out to make me a present while I sat and read the paper. They came back awhile later with a crown for me to wear and then Ellie decided my day to do whatever I want was over (at about 9am) and I needed to play with her. So Ellie and I played with blocks.

We're going to go to brunch later today and then swimming at the Y. Ellie is swimming really well. She can swim on her own for a long time and she's been diving off the side of the pool and doing front and back somersaults under the water. We were at the pool the other day with a girl in Ellie's class who is taking swim lessons. I told the girl's mom that I had signed Ellie up for swim lessons but they didn't start for a few weeks. The mom said, "But Ellie already knows how to swim." I do think she wouldn't get much out of a general swim class, so I'm going to look into more private lessons if it doesn't cost too much.

Ellie is taking a yoga class at the Y. She's done Down Dog and they show her how to breathe and they stand on their heads while the teacher holds their feet and they do an airplane move and the one where they stand on one leg while putting one foot on the other leg. I don't know the names of any of these moves. They are pen pals with a class in Hong Kong and the kids in Hong Kong sent Ellie's class some seashells they had painted. Ellie is going to bring in the seashells we found in Cancun to show her teacher and class. I'm getting Ellie set up in some camps for over the summer. She's in a week-long acting camp and I'm going to sign her up for the same camp she went to last year.