A quick one

Ellie was crying when we got to school this morning because of an unfortunate shoe incident. Tears were streaming down her face as she got out of the car, and I noticed she still had a little milk from breakfast around her mouth. So I quickly grabbed a paper towel, dabbed a few tears from her cheeks to wet it, and wiped off the milk. I may be callous, but I am resourceful.

Grover

In honor of Ellie's favorite creature in the world, here's a Grover montage. The best part is the kid who says, "You're the best monster I ever met." It doesn't get any better than that. Enjoy!

Ellie the mermaid

We went swimming yesterday and Ellie was wearing flippers and she looked just like a mermaid. So I swam up to her and I said, "Oh my gosh, is that a real mermaid? I've never seen a mermaid before--I didn't think they existed!" Ellie said, "Yes, I'm a mermaid and that's my house over there. You have to go to my house and hide because there are sharks here!" Then Greg was the shark and Ellie had to save me, the lowly human, from being attacked.

After swimming, Ellie and I went to the grocery store and she wanted to continue pretending she was a mermaid. Now she was a mermaid who was joining me on her first trip to my world. She was amazed by everything in the store. She had never seen a grocery cart before and she didn't understand where she was supposed to sit in it. When we went through the aisles, she saw food she'd never seen before. She was eager to tell me all about the food in her world, like noodle fries and seaweed burgers. She told me that some of the food we eat is the same as the food she eats, except they have different names. Butter is called "gamabi" and cheese sticks are called "weebelee."

When we left the store, Ellie the mermaid was eating a cheese stick and she dropped the wrapper on the ground. I stopped the cart and said, "Excuse me but in this world, littering is illegal." She said, "Don't you have garbage cans that come pick up your garbage for you? In my world, all we have to do is drop our garbage on the ground and the garbage cans drive around and pick everything up." I told her that no, we don't have that here and she will have to pick up her own garbage.

The game continued at home, where Ellie pulled out some food that was wrapped and yelled, "Hands! Hands! Come open this, Hands!" She asked us, "Don't you have hands that live in your house that come open things up for you?" I told her no, we have to use our own hands to open things up in this world. She was amazed at our backwardness.

She dropped the game soon after that, which was a good thing since I don't think I would have had the patience for getting her into bed if she had been expecting the pajamas to fly through the air and onto her body and the bed to come pick her up and lay her softly on a pillow.

Fergie

So I was listening to the radio on my way home this morning and they had these obnoxious morning DJs talking about fashion. The girl was reading the "most fashionable" list and she said, "You want to know who topped the most fashionable? Fergie." And I thought, Fergie?!! Sarah Ferguson is on the most fashionable list?? She hasn't even been in the news in 10 years! And the guy, inexplicably to me, said, "Yeah. I could see that." How on earth could he see that? He went on, "But the thing that I don't like about Fergie is the facial piercings. I just don't get the metal through the eyebrow and the nose..." and I thought, WHAT?! The Duchess of York has pierced her FACE?! That is not possible.

And then I vaguely remembered that there is some young woman who is in a band who also refers to herself as Fergie. And that must be the one they were talking about. And then I turned the radio back to NPR, where I could listen to programs that don't give me a headache.

That's better!

The teacher moved the desks! She actually moved Myrtle away from everyone else--not just Ellie. I volunteered in class again today and Ellie was much more attentive. Of course, that is likely because I was there. Still, I think having the desks moved will help a lot.

After being in an elementary school classroom for the first time since I was in elementary school, I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we teach kids. It is painfully obvious that asking twenty 6 and 7 year olds to sit, look at a board, and listen attentively to a teacher for 40 minutes is impossible. It isn't all the kids, of course. There's a minority of kids who can sit and concentrate that long. But most can't and some REALLY can't. That poor teacher!

Only a few more weeks of school

More issues with Myrtle in school. Ugh. Ellie wants her desk to be moved away, but the teacher isn't ready to do that. I don't know why. I'm happy there's only a couple more weeks there.

I was talking about it with Ellie and telling her again that whatever Myrtle is doing, Ellie needs to control her own self. So I was about to say something like, "You have the power to control yourself," but I said, "You have...." and I paused. Ellie continued for me, "...the potential to be or do anything I put my mind to?" I asked her where did that come from and she said school.

Tooth Fairy Redux

The note from the Tooth Fairy went over very well and Ellie was so excited to get it. I was hoping my little hint that the Tooth Fairy would be coming back later--when her tooth falls out--would hold her. Writing a note to the Tooth Fairy is one thing; becoming pen pals is quite another. But Greg got her to bed and let her write another one to put under her pillow. Here is what she dictated to Greg (click on the notes to read them):



Even though Greg wrote the note this time, I was still in charge of writing back. I don't want to keep writing notes, so I put it a bit more clearly this time:



I had to stop myself from writing the Foot Fairy's back story about how he (I imagine the Foot Fairy as a he for some reason) flies into people's bathrooms at night and plucks toenail clippings out of their waste baskets, which he takes back to his land to use as money.

Tooth Fairy

Here's the note Ellie wanted to write to the Tooth Fairy to leave under her pillow. She dictated it to me and I wrote it down. She was so excited for nighttime to leave it under her pillow.



Even though I have an inner queasiness about all of these mythical creatures kids grow up with, I have been embracing Ellie's belief in the Tooth Fairy. So I wrote this note and put it under her pillow. (Click on the letter to see the words.)



See that? Very sweet and very practical. Keep on brushin! Did I want to write a subversive note from the Tooth Fairy? Yes, I did. But I was a very, very good mommy.

Sewing 101

My sewing class has been going well. I'm with a bunch of grandmas. They're not old ladies or anything--probably in their 60s. We've been having a nice time together. We talk about our cholesterol and our ex husbands and if it's really hot in here. I made a cute skirt for Ellie this time, but I'm not sure what to make next.

So if you have any thoughts on what I should do next, that would be great. I would like to make something fun and useful and something that would give me a chance to try some techniques like putting in a zipper or something like that.

What's funny

The three of us were sitting on Ellie's bed and Ellie was in between Greg and me. Greg made some kind of joke about me and I said, "That's not funny." He said, "Oh, that's funny alright." I said, "No, it isn't. That's not funny." Greg said, "Yes, it is funny." Ellie said, "Poop is funny."


In other news, Ellie has a wiggly tooth! Ellie has a wiggly tooth!

We went to church

Ellie and I went to church today, while Greg stayed home and thought about his everlasting soul. We went last week, too, though it was to a different church. Both times it was with a churchgoing friend of mine who invited us along for different events. Today it was a pool party and BBQ.

I wore a t-shirt that had a stenciled symbol of a turtle on it. I stenciled the turtle on the shirt myself, partly because it's a symbol of long life and I thought that was pretty cool, but mostly because I like turtles.

As soon as I got there, though, I started having all these second thoughts that maybe turtles are some kind of pagan symbol that is a threat to Christianity or maybe even a symbol of Satan if you read the Bible in just the right way. I mean, I don't know these people. I don't know this church. This could be the Church of Crazytown for all I know. I wanted to say, "Hi, I'm Lisa and I just like turtles," to everyone I met. In the end, one guy said, "Nice turtle," and that was it.

Both churches used music very heavily in the service. Last week's church was totally multimedia, with music and movies and skits done by members of the congregation. This church wasn't quite like that, but it had a four-man band with three guitarists and a drummer.

We were all sitting in the first row, and Ellie and her friend were directly in front of the band. As soon as the band started playing its very contemporary Christian Rock songs, Ellie started playing air guitar. I taught her to play air guitar awhile ago when we were just hanging out listening to music and Greg was taking videos of us singing and dancing.

So Ellie and her friend were soon playing air guitar together and then her friend broke out the air drums. At one point, Ellie decided to take it to the next level, so she threw herself on the ground on both knees like a rock star with her "guitar" out in front of her. (That was part of my lesson in air guitar.) I was mortified, of course, and leaned over and whispered, "No no no, stand up! Don't do that!" Thank goodness she got right back up again.

A few people commented on how cute they were playing the guitar with the band. Ellie had a lot of fun running around the church and swimming in the pool. It's a nice church, but I don't think I'll be going back. It's a long drive to get there and I think my heathen status is pretty clear to anyone who meets me for more than a couple of minutes.

After the party

We went to a birthday party today for two kids from school. The party was in a more urban part of town that's not so great. Because it's a denser area, there was no parking anywhere, so I dropped Ellie off at the party and parked 5 or 6 blocks away. Then I walked back in the 100 degree heat. Ugh.

The party was fun, and when we left, I decided to drag Ellie back with me to the car instead of going to pick it up. As we walked back, we passed by a parking lot where a homeless looking guy was riding his bike aimlessly around. The guy coasted his bike up to us and I grabbed Ellie's hand and stiffened up a little. He said, "Hello," in a sort of dull voice, and I walked a little faster.

We had to turn the corner and pass by the second entrance to the same parking lot, and of course the same guy on his bike rode through the lot and up to us. He looked right at me, leering a little bit, but he only muttered, "Goodbye, gorgeous," and rode past us. I breathed a small sigh of relief.

"What did he say to you?" Ellie asked me.
"He said 'Goodbye, gorgeous,'" I answered.
"Why did he say 'Goodbye, gorgeous'?" she asked.
"I guess he thinks I'm pretty," I answered. She thought for a minute.
"I think he was talking about me," she said. I was indignant. He was clearly looking at me when he said it.
"No, I'm pretty sure he was talking about me," I said.
"No," Ellie stated. "He was talking about me."

I let it drop. I don't have to argue. If she wants to claim this guy, that's fine. There are plenty of filthy, leering men on bicycles out there for both of us.

I'm still hoping for a good year

That Myrtle is a thorn in my side. She and Ellie got into trouble yesterday at the carpet and the teacher had to talk to me about it. It was some pretty disruptive behavior and the kind of thing that Ellie has never done in class before (poking and bothering another kid who was trying to listen).

I know Myrtle is the instigator. I also know that Ellie has to learn to control her own behavior, because she is going to meet kids like Myrtle over and over in school. So we gave her some consequences, told her there would be more dire consequences if she continues to misbehave in class, and asked her to give us her thoughts on how she is going to control herself better. I am hopeful because a) she's a good kid, b) she likes people and wants people to like her, and c) she knows she has trouble controlling her impulses and needs to try. I'm worried because a) she really does have trouble controlling her impulses, b) she's the stubbornest kid you ever met, and c) she spent a lot of our talk about controlling impulses throwing her legs back and forth and squirming around.

I am crossing my fingers that this is a transition and she will work it out. But if she doesn't, I have no qualms about putting her in an empty room and piping in It's A Small World for 10 hours straight. That should do the trick.

Oh yeah..... let the grossness begin...

Okay, I've been asked for an update on the wart situation, so I have a mandate!

The actual getting rid of the wart was pretty simple. The pads worked so quickly! I put the pad on for the first 48 hours, and when I switched it, I could see that the skin was already white. I kept the second pad on for another 48 hours, and when I took that off, I could see the wart sticking up through the skin! It basically just fell out. And underneath was that telltale hole I was hoping for! I changed it and put a pad on for another 48 hours, because I wasn't sure it could be that easy. But it was! After that, I just quit.

Of course, it isn't really over after the wart falls off. The pad destroys multiple layers of skin in order to get down to the wart, so now I have a huge section of skin that's dead and is just a callous. And the pads move around when you walk, so the acid is spread around to areas that don't need to be destroyed. So now I have a huge swath of skin on my foot that's peeling.

So the last part is still going on, which is me just peeling off the dead skin on the bottom of my foot when it starts annoying me. And I can't do it around Greg, because the moment he sees my hand touch my foot, he is so completely grossed out that he orders me to stop picking my foot at once.

(But you know what? A couple of years ago, Greg had plantar warts too. He spent many days applying the Compound W and picking at whatever dead or dying skin was on the bottom of his foot. So he's no better. And did I complain? Probably not! I can't really remember! But it's for better or worse now, buddy. In sickness and health!)

Gotta love that school playground

I dropped Ellie off at school this morning, and "Myrtle" was in line ahead of her. As soon as Myrtle saw Ellie, she yelled, "Hey, Jello! Look! Jello is here!" Ellie smiled, but she looked kind of sheepish as she hurried to the end of the line. I asked her about it, mainly because I couldn't quite understand what Myrtle was saying. Ellie said, "Just forget about it." But then she admitted that they were calling her Jello because it sounds like Ellie.

I can't tell if it's friendly or mean name calling, and I can't tell if it bothers Ellie or not. And either way, I know I should just let her deal with it, since there will be many more battles to come in her school career. But, man, it is going to be hard.

Must...stop....self...from...smacking....Myrtle....

Back to School Night

Back to School Night was tonight! Parents got a chance to hear all about what the kids are doing in school and what to expect this year. Yes, it was a wee bit intimidating. Maybe we should have had Ellie do some of them thar book learnin over the summer...ya know...instead of just staring at shiny objects.

Nah, she'll be fine. She has run into a little snag in that she is in class with a girl she knows from kindergarten who is a notorious talker. We'll call her "Myrtle." Ellie came back the first week and said, "When Myrtle is in line behind me, she talks to me and I know I'm not supposed to talk, but my body wants to talk to her." I told her that it's hard not to respond when someone is talking right to you, but you still have to follow the rules. I told her that if it's too hard for her that she should move away from Myrtle or request that the teacher move her away.

So tonight I mentioned it to the teacher. She said that Myrtle is the one with the issue (which I already knew) and that she had told Ellie, "I know that you are not a kid who gets into trouble. So, you need to just tell Myrtle that you are not going to talk to her in class." She said today she saw Ellie shush Myrtle, which she saw as a good sign of assertiveness on Ellie's part. So that was great. I told Ellie right away that her teacher and I were both proud of her for handling the situation as she did.

So far I am quite happy with Ellie's teacher and the classroom and the group of kids she's with. I hope it'll be a great year!