Last post about the weekend

So, after a long time away from this story, I'm ready to write my final (and hopefully short) post about how I felt after my weekend. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to explain how I felt after the weekend. But I'll try.

Exhausted. Hungover. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. I felt like they were going to call me any minute and threaten me with... something... and I kept flipping open my phone to see if they did. I didn't want to look up anything online because I thought they would be able to track me. I replayed every moment of the weekend in my head and imagined the most sinister intentions around it. I thought every person in the room was "in on it," and everything that happened was staged for my indoctrination. The rocker chick who had the big revelation? She was part of the group and had acted everything so that I would see what an amazing transformation she had undergone. She even offered me chocolate and I ate it! What if it was laced with something?

I tried my best to go to sleep early, but I couldn't fall asleep. When I did fall asleep, I kept waking up. My dreams were filled with images of Adolph and Imelda standing on the stage and sending me messages. A couple of times when I woke up, my eyes were mysteriously wet. But I didn't feel like I had been crying in my sleep--only that my eyes were tearing. The next morning I felt even less rested than I had over the weekend.

The next night my body was finally ready to sleep and I slept for a long time. I felt better immediately. My paranoia lasted for a day or two more, and slowly with each night of full sleep, my normal, semi-reasonable brain emerged. I don't think I was actually drugged, but as far as my brain was concerned, it wasn't much different. I am amazed at how easy it is to put people in an altered state without drugs and how powerful lack of sleep is.

So I'm glad that I was only visiting crazy and I was able to avoid moving in. I think those groups (and there are many of them under different names) are sick and dangerous. I believe I am especially unbrainwashable and while they didn't really wash my brain, they definitely dusted it.

Thanks for wading through this whole thing with me!